christmas. amazing because it is.

Well it's Christmas Eve! Can you believe it? It's amazing how time flies.

I've sure been thinking a lot about Christmas this year. So much so, that I actually got all my Christmas shopping done, gasp, early. Shocker right?

I have been think about Chritmas more than just that, though.

From what I've noticed people see Christmas two ways. One, just a happy, family-oriented, gift-giving holiday. And two, waaay dramatizing the birth of Christ.

I was listening to a song earlier-Amazing Because It Is, by The Almost 

Here are the lyrics: 

I was so scared of everything you put in front of me

I've been marching to every part of me

Just to see

see

Why you need me to be

The boy you need me to be

Amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saves a wretch like me

I once was lost

And now I'm found

Was blind but now I see

I just wanna see

I'm the type of person who lets fear drive

I'm the type of guy that lets it drive

Cause I'm addicted, I'm needy

I'm lost without you

I need you

I need you

Amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saves a wretch like me

I once was lost

But now I'm found

Was blind but now I see

As I was listening to this, some vague and distant thoughts kind of came into focus. See for me, when I think of Christmas, yes I thought of the whole 'Jesus coming to earth, goodiness' but for some reason, it never was like "BAM! AMAZING!" and I wondered why. And how many other people felt like I did?

I mean don't get me wrong, I really appreciated and saw the significance of that night, long long ago. It just never struck that one chord in my heart like I thought it should.

And that song I mentioned? It's not the most amazing song in the world, and definitely not Christmas-y, but here's what I realized.

Once again, it's all about love.

And God. Who is love. Everything he is. His magnificence, his glory, his holiness, his forgiveness, his loyalty, his determination, his wisdom, his dreams, his heart- his love. Everything, everything, became evident when Jesus came into our world.

It's not so much about how he came, or all those things, even though those are really important, but it's about Him.

I wish I could put emotions into words. Because this feeling is so amazing. That's why that song spoke to me.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,

that saved a wretch like me"

quite delightful

You know, there's just something so beautiful about being excited! It's such a lovely feeling. One of my favorites actually.

And if you couldn't already tell... I'm feeling rather excited right now!

Would you like to know why?

Well, I just found out that my "older brother" is flying in from Ecuador for my graduation!

So yes, I'm super duper excited.

The last time I saw Manuel was several years ago. I've missed him quite a bit.

When he first came to the United States, he stayed with my family as a foreign exchange student. That was a LONG time ago. BUT!
He's coming back to see me graduate!

I can't wait!

coming home

Gosh, some days I really love Bible class. Days like today. Where all the events and thoughts leading up to now, finally come into focus, and everything suddenly makes sense. Well, almost totally makes sense.

I can't believe it's already been a month since I blogged last. I was blogging several times a week! But I blinked, and now it's mid-November and my last post was weeks ago.

It's been a crazy month though. A cycle of busy routine, and monotonous weekly patterns. I mean, sure, between a couple jobs, going to school every day, trying to accomplish a million and half things, plus remembering to eat and sleep AND care about people, It would make sense that I was starting to get a little frazzled.

But it didn't.

Although, after today, things are finally starting to click. I lost sight of the Prize. I wasn't seeing Jesus. I forgot:

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
-Romans 8:26-28, The Message.

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you."
-Isaiah 43, NIV

I've been feeling quite out of my own self, like an animal skin being stretched across a peg board. Except I was only watching it happen, in a sort of connected way.

But as we talked today, Jesus really hit me. (Again. I mean, He totally messed me up this morning, but I'll blog about that another time.) I was reminded of the things that really make me who I am, and the things that define my life. Not how quickly I can make a latte, or perfect my plie is, or if my homework is done exactly right. Not how people think about me, or how I relate to every person I meet.

Because if I just be Jesus in those things, the excellence and the right response will follow.

Yet, in that, it's the things like spiritual authority, having a warrior's heart, dancing out my prayers, and believing the unseen, that define my world.

After a season of just getting through, it's so good to come home.

i talked to jesus today

"It's harder to break a proud person than it is to redeem a broken one."

Jesus told me this while I was walking earlier today.

But I don't really have much to say about it.

I'm not sure what I would say.

So I'll just let it speak for itself.

Let the Holy Spirit talk.

 Because, really, there's not much more I can add.

Just remember, "it's harder to break a proud person than it is to redeem a broken one."

little bitty pretty things

Sometimes, I think God uses the smallest things

to really get ahold of our attention.

It doesn't always have to be a huge life changing moment,

or some climatical event.

Just the small things.

More often than not, if we look for the small things, we'll see beauty. No matter how bad things are, or how hopeless situations are, or merely how boring something is. It's the small things that make a difference.

They're that little bit of light in the dark. That small something that suddenly makes everything seem not so overwhelming.

Like the rainbow reflecting off glass. Or the light in the mirror.

It's just one way Jesus says "I love you."

the eternally missing link

I was sitting at youth group tonight, and I was contemplating all the different essential things that God has taught me, trying to figure out which one would be MOST important.

So I thought about how it all goes back to Love. But Surrendering is also a huge aspect of things. Obedience too. And Disobedience and Rebellion = a big no-no. All the "essential" aspects of being a mini-Jesus.

I suppose that technically, they're all "essential" because they're what define God. And HE is essential.

I guess the confusing thing to me, is that I know somehow, some way, all those "essential" things are connected. That there is something my mind just can't totally wrap around. That "missing link".

And I know that it's Jesus.

I also know, that I'm not going to be able to fully understand it until I get to heaven.

Because Jesus, and the reality of who He is, goes way beyond our comprehension- no matter how much we study His life and His word, no matter how well "we know Him". Because until the veil is completely removed, we will never completely understand all the depth that is Jesus.

And guess what?

It'll take all of eternity for that veil to be removed.

wondering

I've been doing a lot of wondering lately. (No surprise there, haha) Along the same general theme, that pretty much all my thoughts seem to follow.

I wonder often about my future. Especially just next year. I wonder about my jobs. I wonder about dance. I wonder about my family and friends. I wonder about my music and about a million other things.

But I think, maybe, I've been wondering about the wrong things. More over, I think I might be applying the wrong definition of "wonder".

If you look up wonder, the first, and most often applied definition is, "to think or speculate curiously." But the second definition is, "to be filled with admiration, amazement, or awe; marvel."

"And if I have to crawl
Will you crawl too? I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is You
See me through"

I heard this song by Superchick the other day, and it was just enough to make me think. Where she sings "The wonder of it all, is You", once again, revelation smacked me upside the head like Sara's dog runs into their glass door.

I've been focusing on the wrong aspects of everything. Worrying more than hoping. I took Jesus out of the equation again. I can wonder about it all, but in that wondering, it should be more of an expective wondering.

But more than that, I need to keep "wondering" about Jesus. To not forget that he holds all my dreams, my fears, everything, just in the palm of his hand. He's got everything figured out. And because He loves me, it's going to turn out great. No matter how uncertain things look.

[He's amazing.]

And that's where my wondering should be.