Wow, it's been awhile... (Flying without wings?)

I realized two things today

1. That I really need to learn to blog more consistently, not just in bursts of randomness :) And,

2. I really just need to write. Not only is it the way I stay sane, but it's fun. I seem to forget that at times.

So, after stating those lovely revelations, I'm actually going to try and write more regularly. Hopefully, it will help me escape the craziness that currently surrounds my life, and give relief to all these eccentric emotions that seem to pervade my mind, my heart and my attention.

And since I'm already started, I'll just keep going.

You know, Jesus is truly amazing. And thoroughly confusing. I'll finally think that I'm starting to figure Him out, when suddenly, He'll do something that throws my entire, perfectly balanced world, into a whole new orbit. I suppose, it's not always mind boggling, but His revelations sure surprise me. Like this morning for example.

I had left for school somewhat early, hoping to stop for some coffee, but mid-pulling out of my neighborhood, I glanced down at my fuel gauge, which promptly decided to level the needle on the E mark, occasionally fluctuating to the 1/8th mark. Undecidely, I pulled out onto 102nd St, wondering if I could make it school on that much, and debating whether or not to stop and get gas. Frankly, I didn't want too, I was comfortable and didn't want to bother getting out of my car, and besides gas costs money, which I was running low on. But I knew I needed some, a car won't go anywhere with it, so pulling closer to the gas station, I told Jesus my dilemma. He swiftly replied, "No, don't stop. Just keep going."

That was not the answer I was expecting. I had anticipated something more along the lines of "You should stop", "Deny your flesh", "You're parents will appreciate it" etc. Definitely not, "Don't stop." I began to wonder if I was wanting coffee a little too badly.

But I told Him about my doubts and He just chuckled and said, "Don't worry, I'll get you there." So, taking a deep breath, I drove past the gas station and made my entrance on the interstate, checking to make sure I had my phone, just in case. As I did, He told me once more, to quit worrying, and that He had done a lot more with just a few drops of oil.

That convinced me some, but the whole way to school, I kept my eyes glued to the fuel gauge, praying the whole time. But sure enough, I made it to school, without running out of gas.

As I thought about the entire incident later that day, I still wasn't convinced that it was Jesus, That it hadn't been my imagination just giving me a reason to indulge my laziness. I was thoroughly confused. Why would Jesus tell me that? It didn't seem like the Jesus I knew. So I wondered, and as I wondered, my lovely friend Mr. Holy Spirit decided to enlighten my rather clouded head.

He showed me that, Jesus is unconventional. Bound only to Himself, in which perfection, truth, holiness and love are evident. He's not restricted by our rules nor does he act by the means that we expect. He likes to blow our minds, to do the unexpected, to constantly keep us on our toes. Not to say that He's unreliable or inconsistent, because He isn't, He's the very image of dependable-ness. It's one of those confusing paradox things. But back to what I was saying. He taught me to listen to His directions, even when His answer seems to contradict the obvious or most logical assumption, or even what we think to be right. Because that's just it, we assume or we think. And what we 'think' is never one-hundred percent right. But He is. That's why we need to hear Him. Even when it doesn't make sense.

He kept His word, I made it to school without gas. And that little faith meter inside me? Well, it just went up a bit.

For my Mama

Hey Mama,

This one's just for you.

It's a song that Sara and I wrote. I wanted to show you, but I couldn't get up the guts to do it in person... lol... I would've messed up a lot. And besides, doing it this way is special to me, cuz not only do I get to play and sing for you, I get to write for you too, and I can tell you exactly how I feel, without tripping over my tongue.

Anyways, the song is called Goodbye, and basically it's about realizing how time really is passing, and because of that how we need to live the time that we have to the fullest. It means so much to me, because, it's you guys, my family, that makes up my time right now. And that's what I want to embrace, because I don't know when it will end. I love you so much. And thankyou (and Daddy too), for teaching me, about everything. But especially, about family.

Love you forever <3

Juah

Goodbye

By Sara Glick and Julia Effrein

(verse 1)

Burning through our time

Never crossed my mind

Then it hit me

Now our time is ending

And the sun is setting

So goodbye, goodbye

(chorus)

As the dawn is rising

Will it be our last?

Many things have happened

So much time has passed

The day is alive

Start living in the now

Tomorrow may not come

Just live your life out loud

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

(verse 2)

It won't stay the same forever

This time- it's now or never

So decide

All our lives are changing

With many battles raging

So goodbye, goodbye

Can I Love You?

Ok, so mostly I just want to share a conversation that Jesus and I had last night. Here goes:

Me: Hey Jesus

Jesus: Hey you, how are you?

Me: I'm really happy

Jesus: And why are you happy?

Me: Because I got to write

Jesus: See, you really do need to write

Me: It definitely helps

Jesus: (chuckling) Yep, it does, because you tend to over think things. You start a thought then change it, and change it, and change it again. All without ever finishing it. It helps if you have to put it into once concise thought.

Me: Yeah, looks like you're right again Jesus

Jesus: Of course I am, you goose

(Both laughing)

After a pause...

Jesus: Can I love you?

Me: Um yeah. Of course you can Jesus

Jesus: Can I show you how I love you?

Me: Yes

Right after I said yes, my heart began to swell with emotions so intense, I've never felt that way before. Never. I wanted to cry, to laugh, to sing, to scream, all at the same time but with such an all-consuming desire to let every single thing I felt inside me out. In any possible way, no matter how extreme. My heart was breaking inside me, yet at the same time, bursting with joy. I didn't know what to do. I was immobilized by this one simple, yet incredibly profound feeling- Love.

I really can't describe how it made me feel. It's something you have to experience for yourself. No words seems strong enough to convey the depth of that emotion. It was most agonizing yet intensely delightful feeling I've ever experienced.

And it stays with you.

Curious Contrarieties

As I sat here, lounging on my futon, waiting for a CD to finish downloading, I felt the urge to write. But there was a problem, I had no idea what to write. I hadn't experienced anything exciting, interesting, or even very funny lately. At least, nothing that begged to be written about. So as the question rolled around in my head, I let my eyes wander around my room, hoping for some sort of inspiration.

And that inspiration I found- my room. Well, actually, the THINGS in my room.

That probably doesn't sound very interesting, and more over, rather boring. But trust me, it isn't =). As my eyes scanned the room, I let my thoughts drift with them, aimlessly wrapping around each object that drifted into my sight.

It was the vast differences between all the subjects of my investigation that caught my attention. Here's an example:

To my right, numerous drawings and pictures color the otherwise bland wall. Sitting on top of a small dresser, a green and white motocross helmet gleams in the light. Brown and black, a giant plastic spider hangs halfway down the wall, looking as if he's going to jump onto anyone that sits on the futon. Spilling over the edge of the shelves, countless books crowd for standing space, infiltrating any open area. Leaning on a giant fuzzy chair, a guitar beckons to be played. Shining lightly, a ninja's throwing star hangs on the wall, while a long bo staff rests against it. A myriad of memories captured on film decorate any available space on an already packed desk, while many dirty and worn pointe shoes rest on the top. Contrasting the color behind it, my cousin's painting hangs slightly crooked above the bed. Standing tall, my yamaha keyboard holds plenty of music, while the nearby baskets contain piles of clothes. Anything green, black or white, put in it's rightful place.

Seeing all those different things makes me laugh. Becuase, if you didn't notice, they're so random. Yet so me. Each and every one of those items represent who I am, what I love. My room had become a reflection of my personality.

I didn't realize it, but I think most everyone's like that. Their identity becomes clear in the unnoticed things. Things such as the way your room looks, the condition you keep your car in, how you clean your bathroom. Just everyday things like that- your space. What you do with what you have, reflects you.

So, if you REALLY want to know somone... go invade their space. =)

Listen to the Music

Listen to the music

Hear it all around you

Riding on the wind

Blowing through the trees

Listen to the music

As it dances through your hair

It croons, it sighs

Yet we’re completely unaware

Listen to the music

As it whispers in your ear

Its rhythm, its melody-

A symphony unheard

Listen to the music

It sings a song so rare

Yet we walk on by

Without a passing care

Maybe if we stopped

Heard the music all around us

Our sense would assault us

And its beauty would astound us

So just listen to the music

Listen for His song



I wrote most of this a long time ago, but recently kinda finished it. It's not totally done and might change, as most everything I write does. But, here it is for now =)

Springtime

Earlier, I was laying outside in the grass and this kinda just came to me,



I love the sound

of the wind through the trees

As I lay in the grass

That goes up to my knees.

A gentle swishing,

The humming of grass,

Indulge the fantasies

Of a carefree lass.

The rays spill down

With an ethereal glow

Warm and bright

Like honeyed snow.

Fairy dust dances

Between petals so fair,

They color the beauty

That all flowers wear.

The songbirds sing

A song so sweet

To all the ladybirds

They wish to meet.

All the air buzzes

With the work of the bees

Taking sweet treasure

To their home in the trees.

The bird, the grass

The tree and the stone,

All join together,

Not one is alone,

And with one voice,

A song they all sing

Of the joy, the life

And the happiness of spring.

30 minutes of writing...

So, I finally managed to convey some of what I've been feeling. But it's only a rough draft. I'll update it later if I change any of it :)

Oh, It doesn't really have a title yet either...


The winds of change blow through her hair
A stone-set face, an unblinking stare
Her fingers curled, her fists clenched tight
She braces herself for another fight
Her future waits, as bright day
But fear grabs hold and she looks away
The good, the bad, all rolled into one
Not sure what will happen, not sure what's to come
She takes a breath and looks ahead
It's time to step forward, away from the dead
For it's life that's waiting in the things to come
Her dreams, her story, if only she'll run
A driving passion, a hesitant fear
An ardent Savior standing near
Her future, an ocean, tossing with depth
With a pounding heart, she steps