This is the first, and most important dream on my list. If I were to achieve none other than this alone, I would be greatly satisfied. Because at heart, I'm just a family sort of girl.
I love my family, My immediate family, my crazy but lovable extended family, my church family, my friends' families and even my work families. Family sets us apart from the world. A healthy, thriving family draws people to Jesus faster than a mosquito to flesh. It's what everyone longs for; it's in our hearts.
That's why I want family.
And guess what? I already have it, all around me. But, see, my dream goes further than that.
I don't want to just enjoy the family that the generations before me have fought for and preserved, I want to carry on the legacy.
Someday, I'd like to meet a guy who'd actually marry me and my craziness, and have my own family. Well, I guess, just add to the family. Maybe there's just something in a woman's make up that desires that, but maybe it's a God thing too. (Especially since we're made in God's image and all...) But I want to teach my kids, my grandkids and maybe even my great grandkids the things that are important in life. I want to show them how to love, tell them about the faithfulness of God. I want to teach them all the things I've learned, and all the things I'm still learning.
And about Family. Because God is Family. Just like He's love.
I want the chance to pass His Family on into the next generation, to keep raising up a People of God. 'Cause after all, it's what my family did for me.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Just a couple thoughts
Monday evening, my sister, my friend and I, bundled all up and bravely faced the frozen weather and slick roads to eat some food and see a movie. Panera Bread and The Princess and The Frog, to be exact. We had a fantastic time, the food tasted great, and the movie, although I'll never watch it again*, was hilarious.
Actually, it's the movie that made me think. You see, the movie is all about dreams. Dreaming big, chasing those dreams, and even if you don't ever see the fulfillment of those dreams, cherishing the things in life that are really important.
And the thing I've just realized- lately, and even for quite awhile now, I haven't been dreaming. I'm not sure why or even how long it's been like that, but it's changing. Back to the way it's supposed to be, because Jesus says to dream big.
And not only have I begun to dream again, but I've begun to see the fruit of those dreams. Because those dreams, they're the same ones I dreamed a long time ago. But with those dreams, revelation has come as well.
I'll save that for another day though :)
*The movie itself, really was great. It was just really filled with voodoo. More than I had expected, and way more than I was comfortable with. Especially for a children's movie.
Actually, it's the movie that made me think. You see, the movie is all about dreams. Dreaming big, chasing those dreams, and even if you don't ever see the fulfillment of those dreams, cherishing the things in life that are really important.
And the thing I've just realized- lately, and even for quite awhile now, I haven't been dreaming. I'm not sure why or even how long it's been like that, but it's changing. Back to the way it's supposed to be, because Jesus says to dream big.
And not only have I begun to dream again, but I've begun to see the fruit of those dreams. Because those dreams, they're the same ones I dreamed a long time ago. But with those dreams, revelation has come as well.
I'll save that for another day though :)
*The movie itself, really was great. It was just really filled with voodoo. More than I had expected, and way more than I was comfortable with. Especially for a children's movie.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wow, it's been awhile... (Flying without wings?)
I realized two things today
1. That I really need to learn to blog more consistently, not just in bursts of randomness :) And,
2. I really just need to write. Not only is it the way I stay sane, but it's fun. I seem to forget that at times.
So, after stating those lovely revelations, I'm actually going to try and write more regularly. Hopefully, it will help me escape the craziness that currently surrounds my life, and give relief to all these eccentric emotions that seem to pervade my mind, my heart and my attention.
And since I'm already started, I'll just keep going.
You know, Jesus is truly amazing. And thoroughly confusing. I'll finally think that I'm starting to figure Him out, when suddenly, He'll do something that throws my entire, perfectly balanced world, into a whole new orbit. I suppose, it's not always mind boggling, but His revelations sure surprise me. Like this morning for example.
I had left for school somewhat early, hoping to stop for some coffee, but mid-pulling out of my neighborhood, I glanced down at my fuel gauge, which promptly decided to level the needle on the E mark, occasionally fluctuating to the 1/8th mark. Undecidely, I pulled out onto 102nd St, wondering if I could make it school on that much, and debating whether or not to stop and get gas. Frankly, I didn't want too, I was comfortable and didn't want to bother getting out of my car, and besides gas costs money, which I was running low on. But I knew I needed some, a car won't go anywhere with it, so pulling closer to the gas station, I told Jesus my dilemma. He swiftly replied, "No, don't stop. Just keep going."
That was not the answer I was expecting. I had anticipated something more along the lines of "You should stop", "Deny your flesh", "You're parents will appreciate it" etc. Definitely not, "Don't stop." I began to wonder if I was wanting coffee a little too badly.
But I told Him about my doubts and He just chuckled and said, "Don't worry, I'll get you there." So, taking a deep breath, I drove past the gas station and made my entrance on the interstate, checking to make sure I had my phone, just in case. As I did, He told me once more, to quit worrying, and that He had done a lot more with just a few drops of oil.
That convinced me some, but the whole way to school, I kept my eyes glued to the fuel gauge, praying the whole time. But sure enough, I made it to school, without running out of gas.
As I thought about the entire incident later that day, I still wasn't convinced that it was Jesus, That it hadn't been my imagination just giving me a reason to indulge my laziness. I was thoroughly confused. Why would Jesus tell me that? It didn't seem like the Jesus I knew. So I wondered, and as I wondered, my lovely friend Mr. Holy Spirit decided to enlighten my rather clouded head.
He showed me that, Jesus is unconventional. Bound only to Himself, in which perfection, truth, holiness and love are evident. He's not restricted by our rules nor does he act by the means that we expect. He likes to blow our minds, to do the unexpected, to constantly keep us on our toes. Not to say that He's unreliable or inconsistent, because He isn't, He's the very image of dependable-ness. It's one of those confusing paradox things. But back to what I was saying. He taught me to listen to His directions, even when His answer seems to contradict the obvious or most logical assumption, or even what we think to be right. Because that's just it, we assume or we think. And what we 'think' is never one-hundred percent right. But He is. That's why we need to hear Him. Even when it doesn't make sense.
He kept His word, I made it to school without gas. And that little faith meter inside me? Well, it just went up a bit.
1. That I really need to learn to blog more consistently, not just in bursts of randomness :) And,
2. I really just need to write. Not only is it the way I stay sane, but it's fun. I seem to forget that at times.
So, after stating those lovely revelations, I'm actually going to try and write more regularly. Hopefully, it will help me escape the craziness that currently surrounds my life, and give relief to all these eccentric emotions that seem to pervade my mind, my heart and my attention.
And since I'm already started, I'll just keep going.
You know, Jesus is truly amazing. And thoroughly confusing. I'll finally think that I'm starting to figure Him out, when suddenly, He'll do something that throws my entire, perfectly balanced world, into a whole new orbit. I suppose, it's not always mind boggling, but His revelations sure surprise me. Like this morning for example.
I had left for school somewhat early, hoping to stop for some coffee, but mid-pulling out of my neighborhood, I glanced down at my fuel gauge, which promptly decided to level the needle on the E mark, occasionally fluctuating to the 1/8th mark. Undecidely, I pulled out onto 102nd St, wondering if I could make it school on that much, and debating whether or not to stop and get gas. Frankly, I didn't want too, I was comfortable and didn't want to bother getting out of my car, and besides gas costs money, which I was running low on. But I knew I needed some, a car won't go anywhere with it, so pulling closer to the gas station, I told Jesus my dilemma. He swiftly replied, "No, don't stop. Just keep going."
That was not the answer I was expecting. I had anticipated something more along the lines of "You should stop", "Deny your flesh", "You're parents will appreciate it" etc. Definitely not, "Don't stop." I began to wonder if I was wanting coffee a little too badly.
But I told Him about my doubts and He just chuckled and said, "Don't worry, I'll get you there." So, taking a deep breath, I drove past the gas station and made my entrance on the interstate, checking to make sure I had my phone, just in case. As I did, He told me once more, to quit worrying, and that He had done a lot more with just a few drops of oil.
That convinced me some, but the whole way to school, I kept my eyes glued to the fuel gauge, praying the whole time. But sure enough, I made it to school, without running out of gas.
As I thought about the entire incident later that day, I still wasn't convinced that it was Jesus, That it hadn't been my imagination just giving me a reason to indulge my laziness. I was thoroughly confused. Why would Jesus tell me that? It didn't seem like the Jesus I knew. So I wondered, and as I wondered, my lovely friend Mr. Holy Spirit decided to enlighten my rather clouded head.
He showed me that, Jesus is unconventional. Bound only to Himself, in which perfection, truth, holiness and love are evident. He's not restricted by our rules nor does he act by the means that we expect. He likes to blow our minds, to do the unexpected, to constantly keep us on our toes. Not to say that He's unreliable or inconsistent, because He isn't, He's the very image of dependable-ness. It's one of those confusing paradox things. But back to what I was saying. He taught me to listen to His directions, even when His answer seems to contradict the obvious or most logical assumption, or even what we think to be right. Because that's just it, we assume or we think. And what we 'think' is never one-hundred percent right. But He is. That's why we need to hear Him. Even when it doesn't make sense.
He kept His word, I made it to school without gas. And that little faith meter inside me? Well, it just went up a bit.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
For my Mama
Hey Mama,
This one's just for you.
It's a song that Sara and I wrote. I wanted to show you, but I couldn't get up the guts to do it in person... lol... I would've messed up a lot. And besides, doing it this way is special to me, cuz not only do I get to play and sing for you, I get to write for you too, and I can tell you exactly how I feel, without tripping over my tongue.
Anyways, the song is called Goodbye, and basically it's about realizing how time really is passing, and because of that how we need to live the time that we have to the fullest. It means so much to me, because, it's you guys, my family, that makes up my time right now. And that's what I want to embrace, because I don't know when it will end. I love you so much. And thankyou (and Daddy too), for teaching me, about everything. But especially, about family.
Love you forever <3
Juah
Goodbye
By Sara Glick and Julia Effrein
(verse 1)
Burning through our time
Never crossed my mind
Then it hit me
Now our time is ending
And the sun is setting
So goodbye, goodbye
(chorus)
As the dawn is rising
Will it be our last?
Many things have happened
So much time has passed
The day is alive
Start living in the now
Tomorrow may not come
Just live your life out loud
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
(verse 2)
It won't stay the same forever
This time- it's now or never
So decide
All our lives are changing
With many battles raging
So goodbye, goodbye
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Can I Love You?
Ok, so mostly I just want to share a conversation that Jesus and I had last night. Here goes:
Right after I said yes, my heart began to swell with emotions so intense, I've never felt that way before. Never. I wanted to cry, to laugh, to sing, to scream, all at the same time but with such an all-consuming desire to let every single thing I felt inside me out. In any possible way, no matter how extreme. My heart was breaking inside me, yet at the same time, bursting with joy. I didn't know what to do. I was immobilized by this one simple, yet incredibly profound feeling- Love.
I really can't describe how it made me feel. It's something you have to experience for yourself. No words seems strong enough to convey the depth of that emotion. It was most agonizing yet intensely delightful feeling I've ever experienced.
And it stays with you.
Me: Hey Jesus
Jesus: Hey you, how are you?
Me: I'm really happy
Jesus: And why are you happy?
Me: Because I got to write
Jesus: See, you really do need to write
Me: It definitely helps
Jesus: (chuckling) Yep, it does, because you tend to over think things. You start a thought then change it, and change it, and change it again. All without ever finishing it. It helps if you have to put it into once concise thought.
Me: Yeah, looks like you're right again Jesus
Jesus: Of course I am, you goose
(Both laughing)
After a pause...
Jesus: Can I love you?
Me: Um yeah. Of course you can Jesus
Jesus: Can I show you how I love you?
Me: Yes
Right after I said yes, my heart began to swell with emotions so intense, I've never felt that way before. Never. I wanted to cry, to laugh, to sing, to scream, all at the same time but with such an all-consuming desire to let every single thing I felt inside me out. In any possible way, no matter how extreme. My heart was breaking inside me, yet at the same time, bursting with joy. I didn't know what to do. I was immobilized by this one simple, yet incredibly profound feeling- Love.
I really can't describe how it made me feel. It's something you have to experience for yourself. No words seems strong enough to convey the depth of that emotion. It was most agonizing yet intensely delightful feeling I've ever experienced.
And it stays with you.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Curious Contrarieties
As I sat here, lounging on my futon, waiting for a CD to finish downloading, I felt the urge to write. But there was a problem, I had no idea what to write. I hadn't experienced anything exciting, interesting, or even very funny lately. At least, nothing that begged to be written about. So as the question rolled around in my head, I let my eyes wander around my room, hoping for some sort of inspiration.
And that inspiration I found- my room. Well, actually, the THINGS in my room.
That probably doesn't sound very interesting, and more over, rather boring. But trust me, it isn't =). As my eyes scanned the room, I let my thoughts drift with them, aimlessly wrapping around each object that drifted into my sight.
It was the vast differences between all the subjects of my investigation that caught my attention. Here's an example:
To my right, numerous drawings and pictures color the otherwise bland wall. Sitting on top of a small dresser, a green and white motocross helmet gleams in the light. Brown and black, a giant plastic spider hangs halfway down the wall, looking as if he's going to jump onto anyone that sits on the futon. Spilling over the edge of the shelves, countless books crowd for standing space, infiltrating any open area. Leaning on a giant fuzzy chair, a guitar beckons to be played. Shining lightly, a ninja's throwing star hangs on the wall, while a long bo staff rests against it. A myriad of memories captured on film decorate any available space on an already packed desk, while many dirty and worn pointe shoes rest on the top. Contrasting the color behind it, my cousin's painting hangs slightly crooked above the bed. Standing tall, my yamaha keyboard holds plenty of music, while the nearby baskets contain piles of clothes. Anything green, black or white, put in it's rightful place.
Seeing all those different things makes me laugh. Becuase, if you didn't notice, they're so random. Yet so me. Each and every one of those items represent who I am, what I love. My room had become a reflection of my personality.
I didn't realize it, but I think most everyone's like that. Their identity becomes clear in the unnoticed things. Things such as the way your room looks, the condition you keep your car in, how you clean your bathroom. Just everyday things like that- your space. What you do with what you have, reflects you.
So, if you REALLY want to know somone... go invade their space. =)
And that inspiration I found- my room. Well, actually, the THINGS in my room.
That probably doesn't sound very interesting, and more over, rather boring. But trust me, it isn't =). As my eyes scanned the room, I let my thoughts drift with them, aimlessly wrapping around each object that drifted into my sight.
It was the vast differences between all the subjects of my investigation that caught my attention. Here's an example:
To my right, numerous drawings and pictures color the otherwise bland wall. Sitting on top of a small dresser, a green and white motocross helmet gleams in the light. Brown and black, a giant plastic spider hangs halfway down the wall, looking as if he's going to jump onto anyone that sits on the futon. Spilling over the edge of the shelves, countless books crowd for standing space, infiltrating any open area. Leaning on a giant fuzzy chair, a guitar beckons to be played. Shining lightly, a ninja's throwing star hangs on the wall, while a long bo staff rests against it. A myriad of memories captured on film decorate any available space on an already packed desk, while many dirty and worn pointe shoes rest on the top. Contrasting the color behind it, my cousin's painting hangs slightly crooked above the bed. Standing tall, my yamaha keyboard holds plenty of music, while the nearby baskets contain piles of clothes. Anything green, black or white, put in it's rightful place.
Seeing all those different things makes me laugh. Becuase, if you didn't notice, they're so random. Yet so me. Each and every one of those items represent who I am, what I love. My room had become a reflection of my personality.
I didn't realize it, but I think most everyone's like that. Their identity becomes clear in the unnoticed things. Things such as the way your room looks, the condition you keep your car in, how you clean your bathroom. Just everyday things like that- your space. What you do with what you have, reflects you.
So, if you REALLY want to know somone... go invade their space. =)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Listen to the Music
Listen to the music
Hear it all around you
Riding on the wind
Blowing through the trees
Listen to the music
As it dances through your hair
It croons, it sighs
Yet we’re completely unaware
Listen to the music
As it whispers in your ear
Its rhythm, its melody-
A symphony unheard
Listen to the music
It sings a song so rare
Yet we walk on by
Without a passing care
Maybe if we stopped
Heard the music all around us
Our sense would assault us
And its beauty would astound us
So just listen to the music
Listen for His song
I wrote most of this a long time ago, but recently kinda finished it. It's not totally done and might change, as most everything I write does. But, here it is for now =)
Hear it all around you
Riding on the wind
Blowing through the trees
Listen to the music
As it dances through your hair
It croons, it sighs
Yet we’re completely unaware
Listen to the music
As it whispers in your ear
Its rhythm, its melody-
A symphony unheard
Listen to the music
It sings a song so rare
Yet we walk on by
Without a passing care
Maybe if we stopped
Heard the music all around us
Our sense would assault us
And its beauty would astound us
So just listen to the music
Listen for His song
I wrote most of this a long time ago, but recently kinda finished it. It's not totally done and might change, as most everything I write does. But, here it is for now =)
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