Through Valleys And Mountains

So I was working on a song the other day, and in it, there's this line, "Through valleys and mountains, vaster than oceans, Your love goes further still" that completely caught me off guard today. Lemme try and explain why.

Back in January, God began to work some HUGE renovations on my heart, and my soul. Things drastically changed for me, in that I saw God in a whole new light. I had so much revelation concerning His heart, His people, and just about Him in general. And for the next few months I ran on a supernatural high. God was just so overwhelming, and his presense-intoxicating. It was one of those "Jesus is the only thing I know right now" kind of experiences. Sort of like walking on water.

But you know how nothing ever stays perfect for long? lol

I was on to some major revelation about Jesus and some hardcore truth. Satan doesn't like that. Spiritual warfare hit. And it hit hard.

Things weren't the same. It was more and more difficult to feel God, to hear His voice. And to complicate things, when I asked Jesus about it He reminded me of a word I got for a friend- that the next season of their her was going to be different. That God was handing her a challange, wanting to know how bad she wanted Him. He wanted to know how far she would go, how hard she would try, and how much she was willing to give of herself to have Him. It was a dare. And a dare He set before me as well.

That was NOT what I wanted to hear. Not in the least bit. I just wanted it to be me and Jesus; just like it had been before. I didn't want to be "stretched". I longed for the deep intimacy we had before. But I felt so far away. I still knew eveything I did before. I knew He had a plan, I knew He does what's best, I knew He loved me. But that didn't mean I had to like what I was going through.

I got mad at Him, lol. And I told Him exactly how I felt. (which I later repented for :P) (and in another sidenote, God's pretty amazing in how He handles all our craziness. Just sayin') I really was mad though. I was upset that things had turned out they way they had. I didn't understand how things could get away from being that amazing. I figured it would last a long time.

Before I go on, there's something else I have to say.I was reading throught some of my previous notes, back when I was on that awesome high, and in one of them I found I wrote this (regarding oneness with Jesus):

"But it's not some sort of magical "knowing" or anything that suddenly happens over night, but the beautiful fruit of sweat and blood, of hard work. Because you really have to want to know Jesus like that. You have to completely surrender to Him (That brings up a whole other train of thoughts, but I'll save that for another day) and you have to really, really love His word, read His word, spend time with Him. Because that's who He is."

"But the beautiful fruit of sweat and blood, of hard work."

And once again, revalation slammed into me like those birds slam into the glass doors in the windex commercials.I had asked for it. Literally! I wanted Jesus to bring me even closer. And guess what He did? He put that "fruit of sweat and blood, and hardwork" into play. I mean, sure, I messed up a few times a long the way. But He knew what He was doing.

And it wasn't until today that I finally began to put all the pieces together. Because when you're standing in the middle of a messy room, you can't see how everything is ever supposed to be clean again. You just start where you're at. Piece by piece; little by little. And eventually, you start to see it like God does. 'Cause not only is He right there helping you with every single little detail, but He's also on the outside looking in. He sees the big picture :) And He'll do whatever it takes, to make it the very best that it can be.

Even if you have to go through the 'valleys and mountains'. Because y'know, His love really does go further still.

Relentless

So I was reading this earlier:

Your salvation requires you too turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves. Your strength will come from settling down, in complete dependence on me...

But God's not finished.

He's waiting around to be gracioius to you.

He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.

God takes the time to do everything right—everything.

Those who wait around for Him are the lucky ones.

Oh yes, people of Zioin, citizens of Jerusalem, your time of tears is over.

Cry for help and you'll find it's grace and more grace.

The moment He hears, He'll answer.

Just as the Master kept you alive during the hard times, He'll keep your teacher [the Holy Spirit *hint hint*] alive and present among you.

Your teacher will be right there, local and on the job, urging you whenever you wander left or right: "This is the right road. Walk down this road."
-various verses from Isaiah 30

And I got to thinking...

You see, I often wonder about the future and what'll it'll look like. Or how it'll turn out. All sorts of things like that. But the thing is, I have no clue what it'll look like. At all. Except that it's going to be an amazing adventure bcause I'm gonna let God write my story.

But until recently, I figured that I played a part in that. That a lot of it depended on me. I thought if I messed things up, or chose something God wasn't choosing, that I'd screw up all His plans for my life. That there would be no going back or any way to fix it. I figured that God would show me what I should or shouldn't do when the time came, but until then, I should just hang back. If I didn't do anything, I couldn't mess things up.

Boy was I wrong.

Jesus has shown me that it really doesn't matter what I do, or don't do. He's got it all figured out. And no matter how much I screw up or hit the nail on the head, it won't change anything. Because He loves me. And those He loves He blesses.

I can actually do the things I want to do. I don't have to give up all the things I like or the things I enjoy doing. I don't have to go shave my head and pray in a monestary for weeks on end. I can just be me. He can use that.

I can even totally, completely, horribly mess up, and it'll still be beautiful.

Because Jesus is in me. And He's gonna make everything work out. Sure I'm going to try real hard and not mess up. But if I do, and I will—it's okay. He'll get me through every valley, over every mountain, out of any maze. And it's going to be great.

"There's nothing better than good music and a cup of coffee with friends"

Hey all! Got some sweet news. Looks like Sara and I are gonna be opening for our friends' band Sunsets To Speak Of. They're pretty awesome. So you should think about coming. Even if it's just for a good ole cup o' Joe. We'd love to see you there!!

Searching For Love

Wow. Lately, Jesus has been working some major renovations on my heart. And while all this reconstuction is going on, I figured, that is, Jesus figured, that I should share something. It's a song.

I have no clue why I'm putting this up, other than that while I was sitting here, the idea struck me. Out of absolutely nowhere. And ususally that means Jesus is talking. Sure enough, He was. So here it is.

Most of the songs I write, are birthed out of some experience or another that I've been through. This one, called 'Searching for Love' is about looking for Jesus. Yeah, I've known Jesus pretty much my entire life, yeah, I'm only sixteen and I "don't really know what it's like to be in love" But that pretty much pales in comparison to what I've been through. You don't get really, truly, lost-in-love sort of close to Jesus, without going through Hell itself first. I've had my highs, and definitely my lows. There've been times I felt so lost and wondered if God even existed- because how on earth He could leave me searching, after I'd been so close. But all those times, all those deserts, they only brought me closer, and closer. To the point, that now, I can't imagine not having Jesus.

This is my song, well one of them, that is still my hearts cry. Sure I've found Him, but even now, I want more Jesus, and I'll fight for it. Forever.

This is just a rough version, and not the greatest quality, but yeah. Hope you like it.




I’ve been everywhere looking all around, searching for something I still haven’t found. There’ve been many times the going got real tough, but I’m still running hard ‘cause this life sure ain’t enough, No. Without You I’ve been lost, without You there’s no me, just an empty shell of who I ought to be. It’s not the same without You, please don’t get me wrong. I need You in my life, it’s why I sing this song. Oh. (chorus) I’ve been searching for You long into the night, I won’t give this up without a deadly fight. I’ve been searching through the night. I won’t give up without a fight. No. This life it holds no meaning if you’re not there beside me.There’s no point in living if we could never be. It’s only You I live for and it’s for You I’d die. Can you hear me searching? It’s my heart’s cry. Oh. Chorus. ‘Cause You’re the only One for me ‘Cause You’re the only One I’ve dreamed. Chorus

A million, zillion thoughts, all crushed, crammed, jampacked and compacted into one litte post. Well, maybe not so little.

I've been thinking lately. Sometimes that's a good thing. Sometimes that's a bad thing. But regardless of whether it's good or bad (Although I'm leaning more towards the 'good' side this time) I thought I'd share a little of whats been rampantly racing through my mind. 'Cause there sure is a lot. And I'm pretty sure my head's gonna explode real soon if I don't get at least some of it out.

Well, the thing that seems to constantly occupy the most, and oftenest of my thoughts is this: Jesus. Simple as that. But ya'know, He's pretty amazing. Like so incredibly-awesome-and-powerful-but-still-my-best-friend-ever-not-to-mention-the-love-of-my-life-rock-your-world sort of amazing. I can't seem to get Him out of my head. (And my heart) That's okay though, because I kind of like it.

But get this, not only has He been literally consuming my entire mind, but He's been shedding some light on several different subjects. Some of which, had never seen the light of day, but desperately needed it. And some of them, well, lets just say that these concepts never entered my head before. But the weirdest thing of all? They all seem to be connected. They all keep coming around to the same thing. Jesus.

It's kind of bizarre, how so many different concepts or lessons or revelations or whatever you want to call them, can all be summed up with one word. Jesus. He's so much. So deep, yet so simple. I think it's the intricate simplicity of it all that truly blows my mind and keeps tripping me up. It's difficult to grasp. But oh so fantastic.

One of the things that He's been talking to me about lately is Oneness- true family. Not the "we are one family" sort of thing. (Though that's part of it, and it is something He's been talking to be about. A lot. More on that later) But the "Jesus/God/Holy Spirit and you as a person" sort of Oneness thing. Yeah that sounds sort of crazy and probably almost sacrilegious, but hear me out.

You know how the Bible talks about how "We are in Christ Jesus our Lord" and that "He dwells in us" and that whole thing about "Our bodies being the temple of the Holy Spirit"? (And if you didn't you should go catch up on that, it's pretty awesome) What if what the Bible says, is how it really is. When we accept Jesus into our hearts, we give Him permission to "move in". And when we're filled with the Holy Spirit, we're literally filled with the Holy Spirit. He lives in us.

But did you catch that first part I put down? The "We are in Jesus" part? Well, don't quote me on this, but what if we really are in Jesus? Like really and truly in Jesus. Because if He becomes a part of us, how can we not be in Him? (I'm not meaning that we are God or anything even close to that) But it seems that it can't work only one way, because God doesn't ever seem to work that way. He doesn't want to "own" us, he wants a relationship. Sure He came and died for us, but we have to choose Him.

Call me crazy, but I think He wants a different sort of relationship. One where, instead of constantly asking, "Okay Jesus, what do you want me to do right now?" you just know. Something where we understand His will and His heart. Because we're so close to God, so lost in Him. So much so, that His instincts become our instincts, His ways become our ways, His breath becomes our breath, and His very blood runs through our veins.

But it's not some sort of magical "knowing" or anything that suddenly happens over night, but the beautiful fruit of sweat and blood, of hard work. Because you really have to want to know Jesus like that. You have to completely surrender to Him (That brings up a whole other train of thoughts, but I'll save that for another day) and you have to really, really love His word, read His word, spend time with Him. Because that's who He is.

I don't know if I'm doing this any justice. I can't quite seem to get what I'm thinking into words, but it's pretty close. Oh well, I'll let Jesus do the talking. :)

So yeah, that's just a tiny little taste of the things on my mind. Pretty crazy huh?


"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made. In Him was life, and that life was the light of men"

Dream Numero Uno - Family

This is the first, and most important dream on my list. If I were to achieve none other than this alone, I would be greatly satisfied. Because at heart, I'm just a family sort of girl.
I love my family, My immediate family, my crazy but lovable extended family, my church family, my friends' families and even my work families. Family sets us apart from the world. A healthy, thriving family draws people to Jesus faster than a mosquito to flesh. It's what everyone longs for; it's in our hearts.
That's why I want family.
And guess what? I already have it, all around me. But, see, my dream goes further than that.
I don't want to just enjoy the family that the generations before me have fought for and preserved, I want to carry on the legacy.
Someday, I'd like to meet a guy who'd actually marry me and my craziness, and have my own family. Well, I guess, just add to the family. Maybe there's just something in a woman's make up that desires that, but maybe it's a God thing too. (Especially since we're made in God's image and all...) But I want to teach my kids, my grandkids and maybe even my great grandkids the things that are important in life. I want to show them how to love, tell them about the faithfulness of God. I want to teach them all the things I've learned, and all the things I'm still learning.
And about Family. Because God is Family. Just like He's love.
I want the chance to pass His Family on into the next generation, to keep raising up a People of God. 'Cause after all, it's what my family did for me.

Just a couple thoughts

Monday evening, my sister, my friend and I, bundled all up and bravely faced the frozen weather and slick roads to eat some food and see a movie. Panera Bread and The Princess and The Frog, to be exact. We had a fantastic time, the food tasted great, and the movie, although I'll never watch it again*, was hilarious.

Actually, it's the movie that made me think. You see, the movie is all about dreams. Dreaming big, chasing those dreams, and even if you don't ever see the fulfillment of those dreams, cherishing the things in life that are really important.

And the thing I've just realized- lately, and even for quite awhile now, I haven't been dreaming. I'm not sure why or even how long it's been like that, but it's changing. Back to the way it's supposed to be, because Jesus says to dream big.

And not only have I begun to dream again, but I've begun to see the fruit of those dreams. Because those dreams, they're the same ones I dreamed a long time ago. But with those dreams, revelation has come as well.

I'll save that for another day though :)



*The movie itself, really was great. It was just really filled with voodoo. More than I had expected, and way more than I was comfortable with. Especially for a children's movie.