question.

How would you define a King's Heart?

memories.

I am absolutely LOVING spring break. No school, more time, and even though I have to work, it's still been somewhat relaxing. Maybe it's not so much spring break itself I love, as much as it's the time I'm spending with my favorite people.

Have I mentioned that I pretty much have THE coolest family in the world?
Because I do.

That's right, be jealous.

But it's okay if you are- I'm sure my family would bring you right in, and love on you, and make you feel welcome. Yeah, they're that sort of family. I'm super blessed to have them.

In fact, they mean the world to me. It's those times when, instead of going to some planned event, my mom and I go run a few errands but somewhere along the way we decide we just NEED to buy the next book in the current series we're reading, or maybe it's eating the snow that's falling in MARCH. Or side-splitting, I'm-laughing-so-hard-my-abs-are-killing-me stories we swap.

Perhaps, it's the way my brother always tries to twist the things I say or do, to fit his own personal reality. They way his big ole grin just lights up a room, or the millions of jokes he tells. He's an aweful lot like his Dad though. My dad.

Now, HE's a pretty amazing guy, let me tell you. Not only does he provide for us, but he really truly loves us- and we have no doubt of that. I think he's more ornery than the rest of my family combined, but he's probably sweeter too. He's just super sweet in subtle ways, and my oh my, I love getting coffee with Him.

Maybe it's the time at work I spent with my beautiful sister this morning. The way, after being stuck at home for over a week, she just couldn't shut up. Or it might be when we make french fries outside in thirty-five degree weather. Her eyes sparkle something fierce when she's happy. Her words are rather interesting too, but best of all is her sense of humor. Yeah, I think I'll always remember today.

Especially how my parents held me, just tonight, when one of my dreams came crashing around my feet.

They didn't tell me the things I 'needed' to hear. Or even the things I wanted. They didn't chastise or say 'I told you so'. They didn't flatter me with words just to make me feel better.

They just held me. And prayed for me. And held me some more.

[These are, and always will be, some of my favorite memories.]

What are some of your favorite memories?

The ones that stay with you forever?
With the people you love most?

created to create.

[God created man in His own image,

In the image of God He created him;

Male and female He created them.]



The other day, I finally sat down and played my piano.
Just to play it.

Not to practice.

Not to figure out a song for worship.

But just to play.

And boy, let me tell you..

Just like God, we were made to create.

Whether it is just a taco, or perhaps a culture.

Either way, there's something inside us that desires to create.

To make a difference.

To leave some sort of mark on this crazy world.

To say, "I lived."

Just like God, there is satisfaction in the creation.
"And God saw that it was good."

He says it over and over.

Because it really is good.

And there is a freedom in creativity.

When you can pour your heart out in something you create,

whether it's music or not, it really draws you into Jesus.

All the more.

 

{We were made to create}

gravity.

You know, I think I'm pretty weird sometimes.

Most of the time actually.

Like today.

But, I also think that the way I think, which I think is quite unusual, and the things I do because of the way I think, are the things, I think, that make me, me.

Try figuring that out, haha.

But seriously. We were in Bible class today, and we were talking for a little bit about the concept of time. And when you think about how, before God made all of us little creatures, it was just Him. It makes sense that He would want a family. 

And that He'd do whatever it would take to accomplish that, because before He even made us, we were in His hearts.

BUT! Back to the concept of time. 

There is no time. Well, not in eternity anyways. So in the time before Earth and our story, there was no time. 

Trippy, huh?

This is where I came to the conclusion that I'm weird. At least for today.

You see, the concept of 'no time', is not all that strange to me. And I decided to disclose this information during Bible class. I then proceeded to receive a few rather peculiar looks.

You see, I cannot verbally explain my reasoning- in this particular instance, and often, many others. It drives me absolutely to the edge of insanity at times- I have THE worst time trying to convey my thoughts and emotions through words.

I positively LOVE words and speech, and language, don't get me wrong. But they lack such a depth and meaning that we experience in life, especially in God. It's why people often say, "There are no words to describe it." Or, "Words escape me."

That's how I feel most of the time.

I think, (there we go again, me and my crazy thoughts) that it's because I don't think in words. (I wonder how many people do, actually. Since you can't quite be in other peoples heads, sadly.)

But unless I'm sitting down to write a blog post, song, or story in my head, or when I'm talking to myself, or when I'm practicing something I want to say to someone, I don't think in language.

At least in the language of words. I speak another language. One that I can only hope to describe. One that's filled with colors, emotions, feelings, impressions, moments, radiance and occasionally words. If only I could show you.

I also think, that's why I love colors so much. I think in colors. There's so much more to a color than simply it's hue. It can be vibrant or dull, or bight. It can be sad or happy, or sadly happy. There's a multitude of possibilities of meaning that one simple shade can hold.

Especially when you see Heaven's colors. That's why it's so hard to put it into words. It's hard to describe colors that aren't on Earth.

But anyways.

All of this was to say...

I think I know why I love to dance.

Because, without words, it's the one way I can fully tell Jesus what I'm thinking, and feeling. And other people too.

It's not healthy to keep all our thoughts caught up and trapped in that crazy, tangled web we call our minds. Maybe if we lived in heaven, and everything was perfect. But we don't. So we have to get it out, because it's usually flawed somewhere along the way. And besides, if you don't...

Your head just might implode someday.

Communication is essential. God is all about communication. You can't have healthy relationships without it. 

And God is a relationship.

So we need to communicate.

And that is why I love to dance.

And write music too.

But dance especially, 

because the only thing limiting me, is gravity.

christmas. amazing because it is.

Well it's Christmas Eve! Can you believe it? It's amazing how time flies.

I've sure been thinking a lot about Christmas this year. So much so, that I actually got all my Christmas shopping done, gasp, early. Shocker right?

I have been think about Chritmas more than just that, though.

From what I've noticed people see Christmas two ways. One, just a happy, family-oriented, gift-giving holiday. And two, waaay dramatizing the birth of Christ.

I was listening to a song earlier-Amazing Because It Is, by The Almost 

Here are the lyrics: 

I was so scared of everything you put in front of me

I've been marching to every part of me

Just to see

see

Why you need me to be

The boy you need me to be

Amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saves a wretch like me

I once was lost

And now I'm found

Was blind but now I see

I just wanna see

I'm the type of person who lets fear drive

I'm the type of guy that lets it drive

Cause I'm addicted, I'm needy

I'm lost without you

I need you

I need you

Amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saves a wretch like me

I once was lost

But now I'm found

Was blind but now I see

As I was listening to this, some vague and distant thoughts kind of came into focus. See for me, when I think of Christmas, yes I thought of the whole 'Jesus coming to earth, goodiness' but for some reason, it never was like "BAM! AMAZING!" and I wondered why. And how many other people felt like I did?

I mean don't get me wrong, I really appreciated and saw the significance of that night, long long ago. It just never struck that one chord in my heart like I thought it should.

And that song I mentioned? It's not the most amazing song in the world, and definitely not Christmas-y, but here's what I realized.

Once again, it's all about love.

And God. Who is love. Everything he is. His magnificence, his glory, his holiness, his forgiveness, his loyalty, his determination, his wisdom, his dreams, his heart- his love. Everything, everything, became evident when Jesus came into our world.

It's not so much about how he came, or all those things, even though those are really important, but it's about Him.

I wish I could put emotions into words. Because this feeling is so amazing. That's why that song spoke to me.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,

that saved a wretch like me"

quite delightful

You know, there's just something so beautiful about being excited! It's such a lovely feeling. One of my favorites actually.

And if you couldn't already tell... I'm feeling rather excited right now!

Would you like to know why?

Well, I just found out that my "older brother" is flying in from Ecuador for my graduation!

So yes, I'm super duper excited.

The last time I saw Manuel was several years ago. I've missed him quite a bit.

When he first came to the United States, he stayed with my family as a foreign exchange student. That was a LONG time ago. BUT!
He's coming back to see me graduate!

I can't wait!

coming home

Gosh, some days I really love Bible class. Days like today. Where all the events and thoughts leading up to now, finally come into focus, and everything suddenly makes sense. Well, almost totally makes sense.

I can't believe it's already been a month since I blogged last. I was blogging several times a week! But I blinked, and now it's mid-November and my last post was weeks ago.

It's been a crazy month though. A cycle of busy routine, and monotonous weekly patterns. I mean, sure, between a couple jobs, going to school every day, trying to accomplish a million and half things, plus remembering to eat and sleep AND care about people, It would make sense that I was starting to get a little frazzled.

But it didn't.

Although, after today, things are finally starting to click. I lost sight of the Prize. I wasn't seeing Jesus. I forgot:

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
-Romans 8:26-28, The Message.

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you."
-Isaiah 43, NIV

I've been feeling quite out of my own self, like an animal skin being stretched across a peg board. Except I was only watching it happen, in a sort of connected way.

But as we talked today, Jesus really hit me. (Again. I mean, He totally messed me up this morning, but I'll blog about that another time.) I was reminded of the things that really make me who I am, and the things that define my life. Not how quickly I can make a latte, or perfect my plie is, or if my homework is done exactly right. Not how people think about me, or how I relate to every person I meet.

Because if I just be Jesus in those things, the excellence and the right response will follow.

Yet, in that, it's the things like spiritual authority, having a warrior's heart, dancing out my prayers, and believing the unseen, that define my world.

After a season of just getting through, it's so good to come home.