Dream Numero Uno - Family

This is the first, and most important dream on my list. If I were to achieve none other than this alone, I would be greatly satisfied. Because at heart, I'm just a family sort of girl.
I love my family, My immediate family, my crazy but lovable extended family, my church family, my friends' families and even my work families. Family sets us apart from the world. A healthy, thriving family draws people to Jesus faster than a mosquito to flesh. It's what everyone longs for; it's in our hearts.
That's why I want family.
And guess what? I already have it, all around me. But, see, my dream goes further than that.
I don't want to just enjoy the family that the generations before me have fought for and preserved, I want to carry on the legacy.
Someday, I'd like to meet a guy who'd actually marry me and my craziness, and have my own family. Well, I guess, just add to the family. Maybe there's just something in a woman's make up that desires that, but maybe it's a God thing too. (Especially since we're made in God's image and all...) But I want to teach my kids, my grandkids and maybe even my great grandkids the things that are important in life. I want to show them how to love, tell them about the faithfulness of God. I want to teach them all the things I've learned, and all the things I'm still learning.
And about Family. Because God is Family. Just like He's love.
I want the chance to pass His Family on into the next generation, to keep raising up a People of God. 'Cause after all, it's what my family did for me.

Just a couple thoughts

Monday evening, my sister, my friend and I, bundled all up and bravely faced the frozen weather and slick roads to eat some food and see a movie. Panera Bread and The Princess and The Frog, to be exact. We had a fantastic time, the food tasted great, and the movie, although I'll never watch it again*, was hilarious.

Actually, it's the movie that made me think. You see, the movie is all about dreams. Dreaming big, chasing those dreams, and even if you don't ever see the fulfillment of those dreams, cherishing the things in life that are really important.

And the thing I've just realized- lately, and even for quite awhile now, I haven't been dreaming. I'm not sure why or even how long it's been like that, but it's changing. Back to the way it's supposed to be, because Jesus says to dream big.

And not only have I begun to dream again, but I've begun to see the fruit of those dreams. Because those dreams, they're the same ones I dreamed a long time ago. But with those dreams, revelation has come as well.

I'll save that for another day though :)



*The movie itself, really was great. It was just really filled with voodoo. More than I had expected, and way more than I was comfortable with. Especially for a children's movie.

Wow, it's been awhile... (Flying without wings?)

I realized two things today

1. That I really need to learn to blog more consistently, not just in bursts of randomness :) And,

2. I really just need to write. Not only is it the way I stay sane, but it's fun. I seem to forget that at times.

So, after stating those lovely revelations, I'm actually going to try and write more regularly. Hopefully, it will help me escape the craziness that currently surrounds my life, and give relief to all these eccentric emotions that seem to pervade my mind, my heart and my attention.

And since I'm already started, I'll just keep going.

You know, Jesus is truly amazing. And thoroughly confusing. I'll finally think that I'm starting to figure Him out, when suddenly, He'll do something that throws my entire, perfectly balanced world, into a whole new orbit. I suppose, it's not always mind boggling, but His revelations sure surprise me. Like this morning for example.

I had left for school somewhat early, hoping to stop for some coffee, but mid-pulling out of my neighborhood, I glanced down at my fuel gauge, which promptly decided to level the needle on the E mark, occasionally fluctuating to the 1/8th mark. Undecidely, I pulled out onto 102nd St, wondering if I could make it school on that much, and debating whether or not to stop and get gas. Frankly, I didn't want too, I was comfortable and didn't want to bother getting out of my car, and besides gas costs money, which I was running low on. But I knew I needed some, a car won't go anywhere with it, so pulling closer to the gas station, I told Jesus my dilemma. He swiftly replied, "No, don't stop. Just keep going."

That was not the answer I was expecting. I had anticipated something more along the lines of "You should stop", "Deny your flesh", "You're parents will appreciate it" etc. Definitely not, "Don't stop." I began to wonder if I was wanting coffee a little too badly.

But I told Him about my doubts and He just chuckled and said, "Don't worry, I'll get you there." So, taking a deep breath, I drove past the gas station and made my entrance on the interstate, checking to make sure I had my phone, just in case. As I did, He told me once more, to quit worrying, and that He had done a lot more with just a few drops of oil.

That convinced me some, but the whole way to school, I kept my eyes glued to the fuel gauge, praying the whole time. But sure enough, I made it to school, without running out of gas.

As I thought about the entire incident later that day, I still wasn't convinced that it was Jesus, That it hadn't been my imagination just giving me a reason to indulge my laziness. I was thoroughly confused. Why would Jesus tell me that? It didn't seem like the Jesus I knew. So I wondered, and as I wondered, my lovely friend Mr. Holy Spirit decided to enlighten my rather clouded head.

He showed me that, Jesus is unconventional. Bound only to Himself, in which perfection, truth, holiness and love are evident. He's not restricted by our rules nor does he act by the means that we expect. He likes to blow our minds, to do the unexpected, to constantly keep us on our toes. Not to say that He's unreliable or inconsistent, because He isn't, He's the very image of dependable-ness. It's one of those confusing paradox things. But back to what I was saying. He taught me to listen to His directions, even when His answer seems to contradict the obvious or most logical assumption, or even what we think to be right. Because that's just it, we assume or we think. And what we 'think' is never one-hundred percent right. But He is. That's why we need to hear Him. Even when it doesn't make sense.

He kept His word, I made it to school without gas. And that little faith meter inside me? Well, it just went up a bit.

For my Mama

Hey Mama,

This one's just for you.

It's a song that Sara and I wrote. I wanted to show you, but I couldn't get up the guts to do it in person... lol... I would've messed up a lot. And besides, doing it this way is special to me, cuz not only do I get to play and sing for you, I get to write for you too, and I can tell you exactly how I feel, without tripping over my tongue.

Anyways, the song is called Goodbye, and basically it's about realizing how time really is passing, and because of that how we need to live the time that we have to the fullest. It means so much to me, because, it's you guys, my family, that makes up my time right now. And that's what I want to embrace, because I don't know when it will end. I love you so much. And thankyou (and Daddy too), for teaching me, about everything. But especially, about family.

Love you forever <3

Juah

Goodbye

By Sara Glick and Julia Effrein

(verse 1)

Burning through our time

Never crossed my mind

Then it hit me

Now our time is ending

And the sun is setting

So goodbye, goodbye

(chorus)

As the dawn is rising

Will it be our last?

Many things have happened

So much time has passed

The day is alive

Start living in the now

Tomorrow may not come

Just live your life out loud

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

(verse 2)

It won't stay the same forever

This time- it's now or never

So decide

All our lives are changing

With many battles raging

So goodbye, goodbye

Can I Love You?

Ok, so mostly I just want to share a conversation that Jesus and I had last night. Here goes:

Me: Hey Jesus

Jesus: Hey you, how are you?

Me: I'm really happy

Jesus: And why are you happy?

Me: Because I got to write

Jesus: See, you really do need to write

Me: It definitely helps

Jesus: (chuckling) Yep, it does, because you tend to over think things. You start a thought then change it, and change it, and change it again. All without ever finishing it. It helps if you have to put it into once concise thought.

Me: Yeah, looks like you're right again Jesus

Jesus: Of course I am, you goose

(Both laughing)

After a pause...

Jesus: Can I love you?

Me: Um yeah. Of course you can Jesus

Jesus: Can I show you how I love you?

Me: Yes

Right after I said yes, my heart began to swell with emotions so intense, I've never felt that way before. Never. I wanted to cry, to laugh, to sing, to scream, all at the same time but with such an all-consuming desire to let every single thing I felt inside me out. In any possible way, no matter how extreme. My heart was breaking inside me, yet at the same time, bursting with joy. I didn't know what to do. I was immobilized by this one simple, yet incredibly profound feeling- Love.

I really can't describe how it made me feel. It's something you have to experience for yourself. No words seems strong enough to convey the depth of that emotion. It was most agonizing yet intensely delightful feeling I've ever experienced.

And it stays with you.

Curious Contrarieties

As I sat here, lounging on my futon, waiting for a CD to finish downloading, I felt the urge to write. But there was a problem, I had no idea what to write. I hadn't experienced anything exciting, interesting, or even very funny lately. At least, nothing that begged to be written about. So as the question rolled around in my head, I let my eyes wander around my room, hoping for some sort of inspiration.

And that inspiration I found- my room. Well, actually, the THINGS in my room.

That probably doesn't sound very interesting, and more over, rather boring. But trust me, it isn't =). As my eyes scanned the room, I let my thoughts drift with them, aimlessly wrapping around each object that drifted into my sight.

It was the vast differences between all the subjects of my investigation that caught my attention. Here's an example:

To my right, numerous drawings and pictures color the otherwise bland wall. Sitting on top of a small dresser, a green and white motocross helmet gleams in the light. Brown and black, a giant plastic spider hangs halfway down the wall, looking as if he's going to jump onto anyone that sits on the futon. Spilling over the edge of the shelves, countless books crowd for standing space, infiltrating any open area. Leaning on a giant fuzzy chair, a guitar beckons to be played. Shining lightly, a ninja's throwing star hangs on the wall, while a long bo staff rests against it. A myriad of memories captured on film decorate any available space on an already packed desk, while many dirty and worn pointe shoes rest on the top. Contrasting the color behind it, my cousin's painting hangs slightly crooked above the bed. Standing tall, my yamaha keyboard holds plenty of music, while the nearby baskets contain piles of clothes. Anything green, black or white, put in it's rightful place.

Seeing all those different things makes me laugh. Becuase, if you didn't notice, they're so random. Yet so me. Each and every one of those items represent who I am, what I love. My room had become a reflection of my personality.

I didn't realize it, but I think most everyone's like that. Their identity becomes clear in the unnoticed things. Things such as the way your room looks, the condition you keep your car in, how you clean your bathroom. Just everyday things like that- your space. What you do with what you have, reflects you.

So, if you REALLY want to know somone... go invade their space. =)

Listen to the Music

Listen to the music

Hear it all around you

Riding on the wind

Blowing through the trees

Listen to the music

As it dances through your hair

It croons, it sighs

Yet we’re completely unaware

Listen to the music

As it whispers in your ear

Its rhythm, its melody-

A symphony unheard

Listen to the music

It sings a song so rare

Yet we walk on by

Without a passing care

Maybe if we stopped

Heard the music all around us

Our sense would assault us

And its beauty would astound us

So just listen to the music

Listen for His song



I wrote most of this a long time ago, but recently kinda finished it. It's not totally done and might change, as most everything I write does. But, here it is for now =)

Springtime

Earlier, I was laying outside in the grass and this kinda just came to me,



I love the sound

of the wind through the trees

As I lay in the grass

That goes up to my knees.

A gentle swishing,

The humming of grass,

Indulge the fantasies

Of a carefree lass.

The rays spill down

With an ethereal glow

Warm and bright

Like honeyed snow.

Fairy dust dances

Between petals so fair,

They color the beauty

That all flowers wear.

The songbirds sing

A song so sweet

To all the ladybirds

They wish to meet.

All the air buzzes

With the work of the bees

Taking sweet treasure

To their home in the trees.

The bird, the grass

The tree and the stone,

All join together,

Not one is alone,

And with one voice,

A song they all sing

Of the joy, the life

And the happiness of spring.

30 minutes of writing...

So, I finally managed to convey some of what I've been feeling. But it's only a rough draft. I'll update it later if I change any of it :)

Oh, It doesn't really have a title yet either...


The winds of change blow through her hair
A stone-set face, an unblinking stare
Her fingers curled, her fists clenched tight
She braces herself for another fight
Her future waits, as bright day
But fear grabs hold and she looks away
The good, the bad, all rolled into one
Not sure what will happen, not sure what's to come
She takes a breath and looks ahead
It's time to step forward, away from the dead
For it's life that's waiting in the things to come
Her dreams, her story, if only she'll run
A driving passion, a hesitant fear
An ardent Savior standing near
Her future, an ocean, tossing with depth
With a pounding heart, she steps

A World of Imaginary Wonders

Dilapidated and weather-worn, an aged swing-set sat lifelessly in the center of a tattered yard. The passing years left their mark. Faded tans and ground in blacks gave away the age of this old construction as it leaned precariously to one side. Childhood memories danced around the swings that gently swayed in the slight breeze. Next to them prevailed the crux of a thousand make believe adventures; a two-story wooden fortress, seemingly impenetrable from the eyes of a child.

Underneath the fort, an almost emptied sandbox bore the scars of a dog that loved to dig. Extending from the upper level, a slick slide stretched to touch the ground, providing the means of an escape route for the avenging pirates that played there. A faded home-made flag set atop a fireman’s pole marked the limitless territory. Slowly, a thick tire swing turned in circles as its rusted chains creaked from summers of never-ending fun. Where once stood a glorious kingdom for the imagination, only the memories of it remained, like the ruins of a forgotten castle; a story existing for every ancient plank.

Teaching Fish to Fly

Have you ever seen that commercial for [I think] sea world? It starts out with a whale jumping in and out of the water. Suddenly, he jumps, but this time he doesn't return to the water. He goes higher and higher and starts flying. He travel around the whole world before going back. Now, I know, a whale is not a fish despite what many people think... but bear with me here.

Before I go on, and for those of you who don't know this about me- I want to explain something about myself. Ever since I was little, God would speak to me through pictures. He'd show me meaning in the things around me. Sometimes a picture-that I couldn't come up with on my own- would form in my imagination and there would be revelation behind it. Sure He talks to me in other ways, He's taught me to listen to his voice in other things, but when I REALLY need to understand something, He gives me a picture or an analogy. (I have an analogy for almost everything. lol)

Okay, now that that's been stated, I'll move on. :)

The other night I was reading the book Every Young Woman's Battle by Shanon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn. (Very good book) It discusses the issue of staying pure in a sex-filled world. But that's not what I'm talking about. After reading that book, I went to sleep with not only reasons for staying pure, but with the grasping of a concept that only God can bring because it wasn't very related to the book.

In the middle of the book, a quote from the movie Ever After, a retelling of Cinderella staring Drew Barrymore, popped into my head. Out of nowhere. In it, there's this part when Danielle [cinderella] is finally freed and has the chance of going to the ball, seeing the prince and telling him the truth. But she's not sure she should go. As her friends are trying to convince her, Danielle says to one person in particular, "A bird may love a fish senorae, but where would they live?" To this, he replies, "then we shall have to make you wings!"

It's the same way with us and Jesus. We should love him so much that we'd be willing to do anything. Even if it meant jumping out of this sweeping current and into a place where we can't even breathe. That's what He showed me- that we're supposed to be those fish that turn around and not just swim against the flow, but FLY!

If people notice the fish that swim upstream against the masses, how much more will they notice the fish that fly above it? The more we choose to be set apart and consecrated to Him, the more Jesus will shine through us.

But being set apart doesn't mean we should live by certain rules of do's and don't's, the things you can and can't do. We shouldn't have to have rules because we're so in love with Jesus. That His heart becomes our heart and we long to be so much with Him and so much like Him that everything else fades in comparison. He should be that real- so real that He's the only thing that we want, the one thing that consumes our minds and our hearts. So much so, that we'd be willing to lay down anything, our families, our friends, all the things we love and even our lives just to pursue Him.

But we can't do it on our own.

That's the greatest part- That if we willing to try, willing to lay it all down and have readied our hearts, He'll help us. The Holy Spirit will come along to show and guide us.

He'll teach the Fish to Fly.

A Paradox of Personalities

Just recently I've started discovering who I truly am. And the Julia I find doesn't bother me as much as I thought she would. So many times I've thought I was one kind of person only to think later that I was just the opposite and it bothered me. But what I've realized is that I'm not just one type of person - I'm a bunch of types... a paradox really.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm a bipolar emotional mess, going from one extreme to the other, even though sometimes it seems that way :). But more so, that deep down, I'm a complex person. You see, I've always thought I was a very simple person- It's the simple things that make me smile, laugh, love, be angry or sad, and I like that. But aren't the most complex things really made up of simple things? Maybe all those small things added together, intricately connected make me, me.

I probably contradict myself, a lot. But I think that's just who I am. Not bad contradicting either, just opposites. I don't want to be afraid to be different... not just different in one way, but every way. Some days I want to be quiet. Other days I want to be outgoing. Sometimes I want to be a leader, other days, a follower. I like to be cool at some times and a complete dork at others. I just want to be me. I don't want to be stereotyped, by anyone. I don't want people to expect me to be just one way, because I don't think I can. Not if I really want to be all that Jesus has called me to be.

There are so many different sides to my personality. I don't think I've let many people see them all either. I’m not sure. I think I’ve been afraid. Afraid that if I was truly me, people wouldn't like me. Maybe it was the fear of false expectations. Of thinking that people expected be to be a certain person. But really, my family and friends have only encouraged me to just be me. I'm sorry guys. For not being all that I thought I could.

Now, after I’ve said all that, there are two things in particular that God has recently taught me through all of this.

The first thing Jesus is showing me, is that it’s okay to be a paradox because isn’t Jesus like that? He’s a warrior and a peacemaker, a teacher and a listener, a judge and a friend. He brings beautiful from ugly and good from bad. He asks us to be broken, because that’s when we’re whole. If that’s not contradictory, I don’t know what is.

Second, He’s is showing me that it doesn't matter what other people think. He delights in me. In who I am- the Julia deep down inside me. He's showing me that it's okay to be different, to just be me. No matter what that different looks like or what people think of it. As long as it honors Him and points people to Jesus.

That’s what it all really boils down too. If I be the person that God created me to be- contradictions and all, keeping Jesus as my center, I’ll point people to Jesus.

That’s the wonder of it all, because people are often afraid to be people. Humanity is stripped away when everyone tries to be like everyone. Maybe just being me will let others see the Jesus in me since He’s the one who gave me that freedom. If I live my life only worrying about pleasing God, I’m living in reckless abandon. Shining like a city on a hill. Just being Jesus.

Blindsided By Jesus... Again

Ok, so the other night I was talking to Jesus, the conversation goes something like as what follows:

Me- Good evening Jesus (I didn't want to say good night so... lol)

Jesus- Good morning.

Me- Good morning?!

Jesus- Well, where I am it's morning.

Me- Aren't you here with me??

Jesus- Yes I suppose I am, so I guess it is 'Good evening'... I could make it morning though! (He totally sounded like a little kid asking for candy, lol)

Me- No, that's okay, I'd be a grouch all day long...

Jesus- Oh. Ok...

*laughing*

Me- Anyways, I missed you.

Jesus- Why'd you miss me? I was with you all day long.

Me- Yah, I guess so, but I mean like right now, just you and me talking so easily. But I guess it could be like that all day long. No, it SHOULD be. Oh, I'm sorry Jesus, I'm not trying hard enough. I'll try and do better. I'm really sorry-

Jesus- Shhhh. It's okay, you don't need to be sorry- I'm not expecting you to be perfect.

That's when it hit me. Those seven little words slammed into me like a Mack truck. "I'm not expecting you to be perfect".

I can't even begin to explain the freedom in those seven words.

I've always struggled with pride. Not the 'I'm better than you' type of pride, but the pride that won't let me forgive myself or even let myself mess up. It's terrible, I know, but It's one of those "thorns of the flesh" that Paul talks about.
This one happens to be mine.

That's why that one sentence just dripped with life. "I'm not expecting you to be perfect". So much more was spoken behind it, things I can hardly put into words.

I'm not going to explain a lot here, I'm not even going to tell you much of what it meant to me. Other than freedom. Usually I like to explain the things Jesus shows me, but this time Jesus told me not too. I don't even think I have the words to articulate what I feel. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this, I just hope that whoever happens to read this, whoever you are, that Jesus would speak to you through it.


Love you all :)
~Julia

New Beginnings and Old Dreams

Okay, So I'm just getting started here, and hopefully- eventually, there might be more to read.

I'll probably post the few things I've written already, some of which are on Facebook. But I'm going to go take a nap first.

Oh and my first post was an English assignment- I hope to put up a picture of the actual swing set, but currently, our camera's are out of juice...

Love ya'll!

~Julia

A World of Imaginary Wonders

Dilapidated and weather-worn, an aged swing-set sat lifelessly in the center of a tattered yard. The passing years left their mark. Faded tans and ground in blacks gave away the age of this old construction as it leaned precariously to one side. Childhood memories danced around the swings that gently swayed in the slight breeze. Next to them prevailed the crux of a thousand make believe adventures; a two-story wooden fortress, seemingly impenetrable from the eyes of a child.

Underneath the fort, an almost emptied sandbox bore the scars of a dog that loved to dig. Extending from the upper level, a slick slide stretched to touch the ground, providing the means of an escape route for the avenging pirates that played there. A faded home-made flag set atop a fireman’s pole marked the limitless territory. Slowly, a thick tire swing turned in circles as its rusted chains creaked from summers of never-ending fun. Where once stood a glorious kingdom for the imagination, only the memories of it remained, like the ruins of an ancient castle; a story existing for every ancient plank.