I realized two things today
1. That I really need to learn to blog more consistently, not just in bursts of randomness :) And,
2. I really just need to write. Not only is it the way I stay sane, but it's fun. I seem to forget that at times.
So, after stating those lovely revelations, I'm actually going to try and write more regularly. Hopefully, it will help me escape the craziness that currently surrounds my life, and give relief to all these eccentric emotions that seem to pervade my mind, my heart and my attention.
And since I'm already started, I'll just keep going.
You know, Jesus is truly amazing. And thoroughly confusing. I'll finally think that I'm starting to figure Him out, when suddenly, He'll do something that throws my entire, perfectly balanced world, into a whole new orbit. I suppose, it's not always mind boggling, but His revelations sure surprise me. Like this morning for example.
I had left for school somewhat early, hoping to stop for some coffee, but mid-pulling out of my neighborhood, I glanced down at my fuel gauge, which promptly decided to level the needle on the E mark, occasionally fluctuating to the 1/8th mark. Undecidely, I pulled out onto 102nd St, wondering if I could make it school on that much, and debating whether or not to stop and get gas. Frankly, I didn't want too, I was comfortable and didn't want to bother getting out of my car, and besides gas costs money, which I was running low on. But I knew I needed some, a car won't go anywhere with it, so pulling closer to the gas station, I told Jesus my dilemma. He swiftly replied, "No, don't stop. Just keep going."
That was not the answer I was expecting. I had anticipated something more along the lines of "You should stop", "Deny your flesh", "You're parents will appreciate it" etc. Definitely not, "Don't stop." I began to wonder if I was wanting coffee a little too badly.
But I told Him about my doubts and He just chuckled and said, "Don't worry, I'll get you there." So, taking a deep breath, I drove past the gas station and made my entrance on the interstate, checking to make sure I had my phone, just in case. As I did, He told me once more, to quit worrying, and that He had done a lot more with just a few drops of oil.
That convinced me some, but the whole way to school, I kept my eyes glued to the fuel gauge, praying the whole time. But sure enough, I made it to school, without running out of gas.
As I thought about the entire incident later that day, I still wasn't convinced that it was Jesus, That it hadn't been my imagination just giving me a reason to indulge my laziness. I was thoroughly confused. Why would Jesus tell me that? It didn't seem like the Jesus I knew. So I wondered, and as I wondered, my lovely friend Mr. Holy Spirit decided to enlighten my rather clouded head.
He showed me that, Jesus is unconventional. Bound only to Himself, in which perfection, truth, holiness and love are evident. He's not restricted by our rules nor does he act by the means that we expect. He likes to blow our minds, to do the unexpected, to constantly keep us on our toes. Not to say that He's unreliable or inconsistent, because He isn't, He's the very image of dependable-ness. It's one of those confusing paradox things. But back to what I was saying. He taught me to listen to His directions, even when His answer seems to contradict the obvious or most logical assumption, or even what we think to be right. Because that's just it, we assume or we think. And what we 'think' is never one-hundred percent right. But He is. That's why we need to hear Him. Even when it doesn't make sense.
He kept His word, I made it to school without gas. And that little faith meter inside me? Well, it just went up a bit.
