a mother's touch

You know those days where nothing seems to work out right? Or everything goes wrong, depending how you view the glass. Those days when reality feels the same as a soap opera episode and that nap you so desperately needed becomes significantly dwarfed to all the other things that need attention and "getting done." Exhaustion kicks in, emotions go awry, and reason is thrown out the window while insanity is ushered in the door.

Y'know those kind of days...

Also known as "yesterday" for me.

I'll spare you the details, be let it suffice to say Sunday afternoon was NOT pretty in my usually-hopeful eyes. But despite the raging sea of craziness, my mama took me aside and asked me how I was doing. As I started to cry, she told me things I needed to hear. She went to lunch with me, just the two of us, and we talked and talked, until I was blue in the face.

Once again, she set aside everything else and simply took care of me. She's laid down her life for me time and time again, and yesterday was no exception.

Even in the midst of "those days", sometimes all it takes is some time with Jesus and simply a mother's touch to turn it all around.

heart2heart:
How has your mother touched your life?

"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."

-L.M.Montgomery

I think there's always time to look around for those 'simple little pleasures' that make up our lives. You see, without them our lives would be distinctly boring and mundane, with no food for imagination and creativity. So go ahead, look around and find your something beautiful today. And smile...

Because Jesus loves your smile (:

something beautiful

Today has been  
              Grey,
                                                      off and on  

Rainy,

                                                                                                              and just over all 

Dreary.

But, "why are you down cast, oh my soul?"

"Each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
      and through each night I sing his songs,
      praying to God who gives me life."

[I will put my hope in God]

Because even when the sky is grey and the clouds weep,

there are still beautiful things to be seen.

 A flower, a feeling, a smile, a tear,

just simply 'something beautiful'

that shines and gives us 

hope.

heart2heart:

What's your 'something beautiful' today?

just a little somthin somethin

I wrote this about a year ago.

and yet, it still accurately defines where I am:

The winds of change 

Blow through her hair
A stone-set face

An unblinking stare
Her fingers curled

Her fists clenched tight
She braces herself 

For another fight

Her future waits

As bright day
But fear grabs hold 

And she looks away
The good, the bad, 

All rolled into one
Not sure what will happen

Not sure what's to come

 She takes a breath 

And looks ahead
It's time to step forward 

Away from the dead
For it's life that's waiting 

In the things to come
Her dreams, her story

If only she'll run

A driving passion

A hesitant fear
An ardent Savior 

Standing near
Her future- an ocean

Tossing with depth
With a pounding heart

She steps

I wrote this a week ago,

it too defines where I am:

uncharted Love

unhindered gaze

eternal hope

unending maze

 a glipse- a moment

a chance to see

as stars unfold

 and Heaven be

a hope, a light
a resplendent song
the sorrows of night
lost in the throng
a veritas voice

defying the dark

 releasing the heart

and leaving His mark

a beautiful story

written in blood

incredible adventures

sealed with His love

por siempre

rhythms of grace

undeniable beauty

revealing His face

a dream, a passion

a life sung in full

born in the heart

alive in the soul.

hearts of stone. (redemption thoughts part 2)

Alright, here's my next train of thought following Wednesday's post.

So we know that Jesus loves us? Yes.
We know that He came to romance His bride; which is you and me? Yes.
We also know that the one thing He desires most, is our returning His love? Yes?

Yes.

Did you also know, that Jesus was also so, madly in love with the Pharisees? He wanted to romance them too. He wanted to win their hearts, and dance with them.

But they snubbed their noses at him. They did not see.

I bet that broke His heart.


But the crazy part?

It's still happening; all the time, in fact. All He wants is our hearts. To lavish us with love and goodness, and yet, people reject it. They, like the pharisees, turn up their noses and deny the very thing they need.

[and it breaks His heart]

Now I challenge you:

Where is your heart?

beautiful bride. (redemption thoughts part 1)

It's almost Easter.

I can't wait for it, either. Easter is one of my favorite days. Ever. Because you see, it was the day- many, many years ago- that my story was rewritten. So was yours.

But before I ramble on about that, I want throw to out there what Jesus has been talking to me about in all this. Well, maybe talking isn't quite the right word. More like the whale-sized mountain of emotions and feelings He's thrown at me. I don't know how well I can explain this; there just aren't words sometimes. But I'll give it a shot.

So last week, I read this book. (I love how God uses books to reveal our hearts, and His heart too.) It's one of Ted Dekker's new books, Immanuel's Veins. The title right there makes you think. But as I read it, my perspective was completely refocused. Again.

Jesus love us. So, so, so much. It's crazy.

He is so madly, passionately, and desperately in love with me. (And you too.) And all He wants is for me to love Him back; to accept the Love He offers, and simply say "I love you too."

But not just the moment of love. But the love that defies reason. The kind of love that abandons everything dear, just to be with the object of that love. The sort of love that desires to be loved in return, even more than life itself. A love that sees past the surface, to the the very essence and dovotes itself anyways. A love that protects and defends. A Love that even set out to obliterate the very reason we could not love Him back.

I wish there was a way I could let you feel this. That these would be more than just words on a page to you. And so I pray, that the Holy Spirit would work in your heart, as I share with you the gift He's given me.

Sometimes, I think, we become so desensitized to the account of Jesus dying on the cross. It becomes a story we've heard over and over, something from long ago in a different culture, that doesn't relate much to life today. Only relatable because "Jesus died for our sins." But do we ever really listen to those words?

Take that story, and imagine a man. A man who, today, would stand out because he thinks differently than most...

He's looks rather average; not abnormally tall or short. Not particularly beautiful or ugly. Except for those eyes- deep emerald pools, simply captivating, speaking a million things at once, yet eminating a peace that defies the chaos around. Passion and peace, fire and sea- all wrapped in one. They sparkle with some sort of unknown delight, or a secret that can't be contained.

He's confident. All of his mannerisms would suggest it. He stays so calm, even in tumultuous situations. He speaks in a voice that commands authority, silky smooth, yet husky with emotion. The words he says are the very words your heart was thirsting to hear, striking a chord that resonates deep within you. And yet, at the flip of a coin, his passion overflows and his actions are those of a desperate man. So very, very desperate...

Let your heart go. Imagine this crazy man who we read about. A warrior, but a lover.

This is the man who gave his life for you. But he didn't just "give it" either.

He romanced you. He wooed you. He asked you to Love Him in return. But you couldn't. Even if you wanted too, you couldn't. You were bound, hand and foot, heart and soul, by a choice made long ago. You had another lover. One who had seduced you. He told you beautiful stories, and offered you power and knowlege. And you accepted. But as soon as you had, you were his. The silver lining faded, and what was left, was Hell.

Even still, your first lover kept persuing you. And since you could not give him your love in return, He set about to cut the chords binding you, to destroy the iron fist that had a grip on your heart.

And He did.

He died. He fought. He gave His blood.

And then He came back to us.

He severed the bonds. He abolished the hold on our very lives.

And He said, "I love you, more than life and death. I choose you. I want you to be mine. I want to care for you and protect you. I want to romance you, and be with you. Always and forever."

And then with tears in His eyes-those eyes that are holding back a sea of emotion- He simply asks, "Do you love me too? Will you be my bride?"

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is Love.

[1 Corinthians 13]


And so now I challenge you:
Will you be His bride?

question.

How would you define a King's Heart?

memories.

I am absolutely LOVING spring break. No school, more time, and even though I have to work, it's still been somewhat relaxing. Maybe it's not so much spring break itself I love, as much as it's the time I'm spending with my favorite people.

Have I mentioned that I pretty much have THE coolest family in the world?
Because I do.

That's right, be jealous.

But it's okay if you are- I'm sure my family would bring you right in, and love on you, and make you feel welcome. Yeah, they're that sort of family. I'm super blessed to have them.

In fact, they mean the world to me. It's those times when, instead of going to some planned event, my mom and I go run a few errands but somewhere along the way we decide we just NEED to buy the next book in the current series we're reading, or maybe it's eating the snow that's falling in MARCH. Or side-splitting, I'm-laughing-so-hard-my-abs-are-killing-me stories we swap.

Perhaps, it's the way my brother always tries to twist the things I say or do, to fit his own personal reality. They way his big ole grin just lights up a room, or the millions of jokes he tells. He's an aweful lot like his Dad though. My dad.

Now, HE's a pretty amazing guy, let me tell you. Not only does he provide for us, but he really truly loves us- and we have no doubt of that. I think he's more ornery than the rest of my family combined, but he's probably sweeter too. He's just super sweet in subtle ways, and my oh my, I love getting coffee with Him.

Maybe it's the time at work I spent with my beautiful sister this morning. The way, after being stuck at home for over a week, she just couldn't shut up. Or it might be when we make french fries outside in thirty-five degree weather. Her eyes sparkle something fierce when she's happy. Her words are rather interesting too, but best of all is her sense of humor. Yeah, I think I'll always remember today.

Especially how my parents held me, just tonight, when one of my dreams came crashing around my feet.

They didn't tell me the things I 'needed' to hear. Or even the things I wanted. They didn't chastise or say 'I told you so'. They didn't flatter me with words just to make me feel better.

They just held me. And prayed for me. And held me some more.

[These are, and always will be, some of my favorite memories.]

What are some of your favorite memories?

The ones that stay with you forever?
With the people you love most?

created to create.

[God created man in His own image,

In the image of God He created him;

Male and female He created them.]



The other day, I finally sat down and played my piano.
Just to play it.

Not to practice.

Not to figure out a song for worship.

But just to play.

And boy, let me tell you..

Just like God, we were made to create.

Whether it is just a taco, or perhaps a culture.

Either way, there's something inside us that desires to create.

To make a difference.

To leave some sort of mark on this crazy world.

To say, "I lived."

Just like God, there is satisfaction in the creation.
"And God saw that it was good."

He says it over and over.

Because it really is good.

And there is a freedom in creativity.

When you can pour your heart out in something you create,

whether it's music or not, it really draws you into Jesus.

All the more.

 

{We were made to create}

gravity.

You know, I think I'm pretty weird sometimes.

Most of the time actually.

Like today.

But, I also think that the way I think, which I think is quite unusual, and the things I do because of the way I think, are the things, I think, that make me, me.

Try figuring that out, haha.

But seriously. We were in Bible class today, and we were talking for a little bit about the concept of time. And when you think about how, before God made all of us little creatures, it was just Him. It makes sense that He would want a family. 

And that He'd do whatever it would take to accomplish that, because before He even made us, we were in His hearts.

BUT! Back to the concept of time. 

There is no time. Well, not in eternity anyways. So in the time before Earth and our story, there was no time. 

Trippy, huh?

This is where I came to the conclusion that I'm weird. At least for today.

You see, the concept of 'no time', is not all that strange to me. And I decided to disclose this information during Bible class. I then proceeded to receive a few rather peculiar looks.

You see, I cannot verbally explain my reasoning- in this particular instance, and often, many others. It drives me absolutely to the edge of insanity at times- I have THE worst time trying to convey my thoughts and emotions through words.

I positively LOVE words and speech, and language, don't get me wrong. But they lack such a depth and meaning that we experience in life, especially in God. It's why people often say, "There are no words to describe it." Or, "Words escape me."

That's how I feel most of the time.

I think, (there we go again, me and my crazy thoughts) that it's because I don't think in words. (I wonder how many people do, actually. Since you can't quite be in other peoples heads, sadly.)

But unless I'm sitting down to write a blog post, song, or story in my head, or when I'm talking to myself, or when I'm practicing something I want to say to someone, I don't think in language.

At least in the language of words. I speak another language. One that I can only hope to describe. One that's filled with colors, emotions, feelings, impressions, moments, radiance and occasionally words. If only I could show you.

I also think, that's why I love colors so much. I think in colors. There's so much more to a color than simply it's hue. It can be vibrant or dull, or bight. It can be sad or happy, or sadly happy. There's a multitude of possibilities of meaning that one simple shade can hold.

Especially when you see Heaven's colors. That's why it's so hard to put it into words. It's hard to describe colors that aren't on Earth.

But anyways.

All of this was to say...

I think I know why I love to dance.

Because, without words, it's the one way I can fully tell Jesus what I'm thinking, and feeling. And other people too.

It's not healthy to keep all our thoughts caught up and trapped in that crazy, tangled web we call our minds. Maybe if we lived in heaven, and everything was perfect. But we don't. So we have to get it out, because it's usually flawed somewhere along the way. And besides, if you don't...

Your head just might implode someday.

Communication is essential. God is all about communication. You can't have healthy relationships without it. 

And God is a relationship.

So we need to communicate.

And that is why I love to dance.

And write music too.

But dance especially, 

because the only thing limiting me, is gravity.