Back in January, God began to work some HUGE renovations on my heart, and my soul. Things drastically changed for me, in that I saw God in a whole new light. I had so much revelation concerning His heart, His people, and just about Him in general. And for the next few months I ran on a supernatural high. God was just so overwhelming, and his presense-intoxicating. It was one of those "Jesus is the only thing I know right now" kind of experiences. Sort of like walking on water.
But you know how nothing ever stays perfect for long? lol
I was on to some major revelation about Jesus and some hardcore truth. Satan doesn't like that. Spiritual warfare hit. And it hit hard.
Things weren't the same. It was more and more difficult to feel God, to hear His voice. And to complicate things, when I asked Jesus about it He reminded me of a word I got for a friend- that the next season of their her was going to be different. That God was handing her a challange, wanting to know how bad she wanted Him. He wanted to know how far she would go, how hard she would try, and how much she was willing to give of herself to have Him. It was a dare. And a dare He set before me as well.
That was NOT what I wanted to hear. Not in the least bit. I just wanted it to be me and Jesus; just like it had been before. I didn't want to be "stretched". I longed for the deep intimacy we had before. But I felt so far away. I still knew eveything I did before. I knew He had a plan, I knew He does what's best, I knew He loved me. But that didn't mean I had to like what I was going through.
I got mad at Him, lol. And I told Him exactly how I felt. (which I later repented for :P) (and in another sidenote, God's pretty amazing in how He handles all our craziness. Just sayin') I really was mad though. I was upset that things had turned out they way they had. I didn't understand how things could get away from being that amazing. I figured it would last a long time.
Before I go on, there's something else I have to say.I was reading throught some of my previous notes, back when I was on that awesome high, and in one of them I found I wrote this (regarding oneness with Jesus):
"But it's not some sort of magical "knowing" or anything that suddenly happens over night, but the beautiful fruit of sweat and blood, of hard work. Because you really have to want to know Jesus like that. You have to completely surrender to Him (That brings up a whole other train of thoughts, but I'll save that for another day) and you have to really, really love His word, read His word, spend time with Him. Because that's who He is."
"But the beautiful fruit of sweat and blood, of hard work."
And once again, revalation slammed into me like those birds slam into the glass doors in the windex commercials.I had asked for it. Literally! I wanted Jesus to bring me even closer. And guess what He did? He put that "fruit of sweat and blood, and hardwork" into play. I mean, sure, I messed up a few times a long the way. But He knew what He was doing.
And it wasn't until today that I finally began to put all the pieces together. Because when you're standing in the middle of a messy room, you can't see how everything is ever supposed to be clean again. You just start where you're at. Piece by piece; little by little. And eventually, you start to see it like God does. 'Cause not only is He right there helping you with every single little detail, but He's also on the outside looking in. He sees the big picture :) And He'll do whatever it takes, to make it the very best that it can be.
Even if you have to go through the 'valleys and mountains'. Because y'know, His love really does go further still.
