To Be? Or Not To Be?

A lot of times I just feel like I can do anything very well. I mean, don't get me wrong, yes I am talented, but I'm no master of any of those talents. I feel more like a jack-of-all-trades. I can do a bit everything decently, or even good, but not great.

Like musically for example. I can play the piano, some guitar, a little trumpet and drums and a tiny little bit of violin. But I'm not super good and any of them. Piano is probably my best, but I don't even compare to most of my friends.

I guess that's what it all boils down too. I never feel like I can compare to anyone else. I can't play the piano as good as Sara. I can't dance like Amber. I can't play my guitar like Austin and Matt. I can't write like Cheri and Sara. I can't draw like Holly. I can't sing like Steph.

It just seems that everything I do, I can never be "best" at. Or even close to it.

People have told me that I can be 'jealous', but that's not really it. I don't get jealous, but being the uber perfectionist I am, I just compare myself to other people and feel lacking.

But Jesus told me something once. He said that no matter what I did, even if it was only slightly good, as long as I put my heart into it, that was all that mattered. I may never be famous for any of the songs I write, but for ever single one I have written, I've poured my whole self into it. All my emotion-all the talent that I posses has gone into them.

That's how Jesus measures. Not to the ability that someone else can do, but to what you can do. If all you know how to draw is a cat, then you draw that cat. For Jesus. And it'll make him smile. That's more beautiful to him than da Vinci's Mona Lisa.

So no, I can't play like Sara or Wendy. And I'm nowhere near as good at art as Hannah. But there is one thing I can be best at.

Being me.

And in being me, I'll do everything I can. To the very best that I can. Because that is what matters to Jesus.

It's big... and it's blue?

Sometimes I really just want to get lost in the sky.

To dance with the stars, and float with the clouds. To explore the very edges of it's vastness. To see what really makes the sky blue. I wonder what it would be like to paint a sunset on the distant horizon. To just lose myself in it.

I don't know, but there's something about that unending blue that whispers "Come play with me!"

So on my way home, I did. I built magnificent cloud castles and dreamt up stories. I lost my self in the blueness. I had so much fun.

God's creativity is truly amazing. It's so neat how just playing with the sky can make you feel so close to God.

Maybe I'm just childish, but the sky is one of my best friends.

"Through The Days Of The Ages Gone By, Down The Hallways Of Time"

"Nothing endures but change"
-Heraclitus

I don't like change. At least for the most part. Sometimes I'm okay with it, but usually, it's not my cup of tea. Now, if it's my idea, or something I want, I can typically deal pretty well, but when you have to fix habits, attitudes, or even just adjust to new situations, change can be really hard.

To make things worse, everything is always changing. Nothing ever stays the same for very long. And it always seems that right when you finally get used to something, it HAS to change. But you know, change is a really good thing too. Especially if you just embrace it.

I learned that the hard way.

So lately, I'd been in sort of a funk. It was driving me crazy! I'd get irritated real easily, and I was just never totally happy. There was always something bothering me. I never could figure it out either. Which in turn, made me even more irritated. It wasn't until one day, Tuesday June 8th specifically, that I realized what was wrong.

When I was little and back when we lived in our old house, I had four neighbors, Andrew, Peter, John and Luke. All boys, all crazy, one family. They were my best friends and between the seven of us, our ages had a pretty neat staircase effect going on. We were the best sorts of friends; the ones who spent hours with eachother everyday, always playing together after supper, imagining way too many make-believe games, melting army men, and swimming away our summers. Some of the best memories ever.

The best part? Even after we moved across the city, we still had four best friends. Sure we don't see eachother as much anymore, and we don't make up as many games as we used too, but the time we do spend together is precious. We're still making incredible memories.

But on Tuesday, June 8th, my buddy Andrew left for basic training. He had joined the army.

Sitting on my bed that afternoon, I cried for the first time in a really long time. It's one thing when a cousin you don't see very often joins the marines. But when your childhood friend, the person who's always been around does?Well, it's a different sort of game.

For me, it was more than just my friend going away for awhile. It was the changing point. The one that said "See? Things really are changing. You thought things would always just be the same. That you'd wake up, go to school, come home, and see your friends. But that's not how it is."

It was a major wake up call. And I realized, that for all the time leading up to that moment, I had been dreading it. I had thought, that since I couldn't make things not change, if I didn't accept it, it just wouldn't happen.

My world crashed around me that afternoon. I missed my buddy.

But Jesus met me. He showed me that it's okay. That it's just a part of the story. That things will change, but He's still there. Because if things didn't change, we'd never grow, we'd never get to know Him better.

And now? Well now I'm okay with it :) I know that God's got it all figured out. And so I'll just take His hand, and dance with Him through the passing ages, knowing it's going to be beautiful.

And, I'll send Andrew a card every week.